Funny headlines for a dating profile Ym chat

I was seriously looking for a nice, down-to-earth guy that had similar interests and was looking for a nice, normal girl. This is an excerpt of an email I sent to all my friends after the date from hell. Profile: Mr Mc Steamy Wants children: Yes College: Cornell Works in: Finance Drinking: Socially Salary: I'll tell you later What he wants: 5'0' to 5'9', smart, inquisitive, fun-loving girl to share life with."We met at Coffee Shop in Union Square. He agreed, and we planned to meet at Penn Station to the bar together."I get there and can't find him anywhere, so I call his phone. I was shocked into stoned silence and didn’t say or do anything, not even when my date started sobbing quietly in the cop car."At the precinct where I spent three hours of my life, my date was herded into a man’s holding cell with a few Rastafarians while I sat alone in the women’s cell. On day two, my challenge was to say hello to someone on the subway.

We'd been on a respectfully sweet-'n'-romantic first date the weekend before, so I was looking forward to a mature, non-sleazy evening with my mid-thirties, microfinancing gentleman caller (we'll call him 'Steve'). My date tried to impress me by arguing with the cops. A.'Him: 'Oh, strippers work out for a discount there, don't they? Get a little work out in, go right to work in your little outfit. ' Me: 'Umm.' (Is this guy really asking me these questions? We got picked up by the NYPD for criminal marijuana possession. If you walked down a red carpet what designer would you wear? ' 'Susie had a big ol' jam at so-and-so's the other weekend, got me a 45-minute blow job in the back room.' Buddy beamed, turning to me. If you fell off your chair at what velocity would you fall? Polite intros were made, and when I turned around to order a drink, buddy casually tossed out, 'Clowned up, lately? Shrugging his shoulders, Steve mumbled, 'Not since Jan's party a while back—you? Now, I have lost a parent, but it's certainly not my first date conversation.

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